"Diving through murky depths"

i like this part on your writings since im not good in diving..nyahaha

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Can you check my gallery? and i'll check yours too.

thanks... neither am I i can touch the bottom of a diving well but i dunno If i could ever scuba dive

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You can close your eyes from the things you don’t want to see but you can never close your heart from the things you don't want to feel

no problem.. yeah..

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Can you check my gallery? and i'll check yours too.

That's wonderful, and full of feelings. Excellent word choice, it conveys the feeling really well.

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~Allie

Poetry is best when written in fits of raw emotion and near insanity. -Self

thanks I'm glad you liked it!!

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You can close your eyes from the things you don’t want to see but you can never close your heart from the things you don't want to feel

Mhh, this is so great...every word is where it should be...i even don´t know how to express my feelings on that...

greetings, Alex...sigh^^

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-Home Of Horgath-
.:~Visit my Gallery~:.

awww thanks i'm really glad you like my poetry!

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You can close your eyes from the things you don’t want to see but you can never close your heart from the things you don't want to feel

yeah, it´s totally awesome...
keep it up

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-Home Of Horgath-
.:~Visit my Gallery~:.

Critique number two! Now let's see, the rhyme in this one is cleaner than it was in Epiphany. Only one particular rhyme really struck me as being a little odd and that was see and safety. I suppose there isn't really a problem there, it just seems odd to have a suffix rhymed with a lone syllable I guess. There is the same lack of punctuation, but in this instance it's just a matter of preference I guess.

I do like the colour trend you have at the beginning, though having light and darkness played directly against each other is a cliche. Cliches aren't always bad mind you, but it's usually a good idea to try and avoid them. I don't really like the word "sameness" since it does seem like it's grasping at straws a bit. Yes it is a real word but it doesn't find its way into speech very often and ends up feeling a bit alien because of it I think. I can't be sure, since I'm absolutely awful for measuring beats and meter but I think infinitesimal might be a few too many syllables for the line it's in. In any case I think you might want to stick 'an' in front of it rather than 'and'. Can't be sure that's a typo but I think it might be.

I love your ending, the diction for it is spot on. I do think some punctuation would do wonders for this though. In short, I think the beginning is a bit weak, there might be a few problems with the rhyme and the meter but the ending is excellent.